I really hate talking about diets. My relationship with food, just like every other human being, is complicated. My size 2 self in high school was miserable. I wasn't eating and thought being skinny was THE answer. To what? I don't know. Fast forward to my solid size 14 self, and here I was again, miserable with my body. The crappy thing though was I thought I was eating how I was supposed to.
But my weight isn't even why I wanted to do the Whole30 program. Sure, seeing my friends on Facebook have amazing results helped but I've tried diets before. I've failed diets before. But again, I'm not talking about pounds. We all know that healthy comes in many sizes. What I'm talking about is deeper than appearances.
I have really bad anxiety.
Like real bad. Seriously. I've learned how to hide most of it in public, but there are still days when I'm having to go in the bathroom at work and talk myself out of a panic attack. I've hidden when I hear an unexpected knock on the door, feeling stupid because I couldn't figure out why that's my normal reaction. Now, I know that it's not just from issues I've had growing up - who doesn't have those, amiright?! - but when and what I eat does affect my behavior. I just haven't figured out when and what I should be eating.
I drink WAY too much.
Remember that Weight Watchers commercial with the "Happy and you know it" song? Well replace the word "snack" with "wine" and you'll have me perfectly figured out. And I'm talking cheap wine here. Not the healthy glass of red a day to keep the doctors away. Oh wait, people don't say that? I somehow even blamed Shonda Rhimes at one point - apologies my Queen - because she said she stress-drank in her book “Year of Yes”, and I somehow took that as “I want to be like Shonda and she drinks …. So I’m good to go! Pass me all the wine!”
I want to accomplish big things.
Here's the biggest reason why I've decided to take control of my body. If I'm going to get my novel series written, have my screenplays made into movies, create a mentorship program for young women, and run a food blog that people actually want to read, I'm going to need to get my mind right. If I let my body be the number one thing I'm always thinking of, there's no way I'll have room for anything else.
By the way, this isn't even a sponsored post. I'm writing to you because I'm on day 9 of my Whole30 diet, and holy crap, I can't believe I'm already seeing results. My knees and hands stopped hurting. My wedding rings are loose. My clothes out of the dryer are looser. And most important I have energy to write this post. I wasn't even going to talk about this until after my 30 days were up, but I'm pretty excited with the changes I've had so far.
So why am I even telling you all of this? Mostly accountability for me, but also because I know what you're going through. Yea, you. The one that has a complicated relationship with food and feels like your body is taking control of your life. This is my golden ticket. I hope you find yours.